The Joy of Being Silly
Some red hearts and pink cookies can be good for the soul - and the whole world
My dad once told us that the most cutting note he ever got on a graduate school paper was: “This is silly.” In fact, I often felt, growing up in a university neighborhood, that the worst thing someone could think about you was that you were “silly.”
One of our favorite jokes is that, on one of our first dates, Adam invited me to see “Ratatouille” with him at a movie theater. My first thought was: “A cartoon??? Who is this guy?” I did say yes, but only after I looked up a review on the NPR website that said it was a great movie. Ha! It was a great movie and we had a good time.
I realize this isn’t everyone’s growing edge. The joy of silliness comes more easily to some people. But in our mostly cynical, capitalist society, I wonder if more of us could use a nudge to play and be silly now and then.
One way I love to be silly, without reservation, is for Valentine’s Day. I adore the midwinter burst of red and pink hearts; not so much because I want a gift from my husband, but - and I realize this is weird - because it makes me want to celebrate my everyday love for the human beings in my life. It’s gloomy and cold out and I want to share some warmth, color, and fellowship. I’ve passed out red paper hearts to my yoga class. I’ve brought pink cookies to church staff meetings. I wear red, pink, heart socks, or a big, beaded heart pin I bought on Etsy. I’ve mailed Valentines to my friends and family. I’ve organized a Valentine’s Day potluck where everyone brought red and pink food to share: salmon, rare steaks, red potatoes, red salad with pomegranate seeds and dried cranberries, pink champagne, pink fruit punch, and red velvet cake.
My parents didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, so it was the version of the holiday at my small, all girls’ Roman Catholic school that imprinted itself on my brain. Valentine’s Day was a midwinter joy fest there – a non-romantic holiday in the middle of the Chicago winter. Students, teachers, and staff - all levels of the school - participated. Some brought candy and baked goods to give away. Some stuck paper hearts and heart stickers all over the place: walls, clothes, handouts. Some passed out paper Valentines from the grocery store. No one was left out unless they wanted to be. I remember one of my Nirvana-and-grunge-loving classmates exclaiming with elation one year, a red heart drawn in marker on her cheek: “I love Valentine’s Day! It's a whole day devoted to being cheesey!”
In our high school’s slang, “cheesey” could mean campy and tacky, but also fun and loving (for 90s kids, where cool meant aloof, pessimistic, and grim, this was a big deal). It could be a put down, or a declaration of something delightful.
When I’ve talked about this in the past, people often bring up Galentine’s Day, from the show Parks and Recreation. I mean, that is a fun alternative, but it’s just for girlfriends. I want Valentine’s Day to be for everybody.
I realize I am in the extreme minority in this. I notice every year that I am pretty much the only person who is having fun in this particular way. I try not to let it bother me. I wish V-Day could be fun and freeing: a day to be silly and generous, to make things, to share things, to dress up, to give things away – to play as a way of loving others.
But that’s pushing against gravity, since the Valentine’s tidal wave is a consumer holiday for flowers, candy, and Hallmark, a big money-maker for restaurants, and a day when some people wear black because so much guilt or shame can come up in it all. It’s powerful stuff.
Do couples really need a day of pressure to prove something to each other or the world? Which makes single, widowed, and divorced people feel left out and unloved? Maybe what we all really need is some easygoing love to give away to anybody.
This is hard to write in a month where Tyre Nichols was beaten to death by five police officers, where Ukraine continues to be pounded to pieces by the Russian army, where the well-being of transgender people and kids is under attack in more and more state government and local schools, where there are so many reasons we could think of not to spend time cutting out paper hearts or bringing cookies to people. On the other hand, how do we keep going in the midst of so much fear, anger, and grief? Is the world changed more effectively by rage and force, or by friendship, persuasion, and love? Or even by humor, silliness, and play?
Jesus wasn’t always serious. His first miracle was making the wine a little better for a wedding party. And being very spiritually serious can make us heavy, dour, and grim. “It’s easy to be heavy, hard to be light,” wrote G. K. Chesterton. I heard a big shot leadership speaker once say at a conference: “We make our best decisions when we’re having FUN.” Maybe it seems frivolous, but silliness, fun, and loving your neighbor (or your enemy), is its own kind of power and means toward hope, change, and freedom. I truly believe that.
No one has ever seen G-d; if we love one another, G-d abides in us, and G-d’s love is perfected in us. (1 John 4:12)
Choose some joy in your own life this winter. Be a little cheesey. Share some love with everybody for Valentine’s Day! Do something silly and believe that it can change the world for the better.
Heidi
LENT IS COMING!
Lent Madness - I’m one of the Celebrity Bloggers this year for Forward Movement’s annual saint “brackets” online voting competition, based on March Madness basketball playoffs. It’s a fun and silly way to learn more about notable people in Christian history. My bios were for Rutilio Grande, Maximus the Confessor, and Simeon Bachus (the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts 8). Click through to learn more or do the brackets in your own church community, family, or small group.
Holy Solitude - A Lenten devotional I published in 2017, which continues to sell better than I ever expected. Amazon’s listing includes the Table of Contents and the First Week of Lent entries if you want to check it out.
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Everyday Connections: Reflections and Practices for Year A - Reflect on your life and your relationship with God, grounded in the Bible passages for the week, or get some extra sermon inspiration. More than what is easy and obvious, I hope; meaty questions that require some chewing.
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Blessed Epiphany and Valentine’s Day, my friends.
Heidi
Thanks for this, Heidi. Valentine’s Day is a tough one for me — Chuck and I intentionally don’t celebrate it, at least not the way people are “supposed to.” But I could really get into it if it were celebrated like this. 💜
"its own kind of power and means toward hope, change, and freedom" - I love this!